A Year of Movies is over. Now: morewertzler.com

The Extra Man
1/25/10 9:30pm - 1/25/10 10:30pm

Yes, it’s true, I was annoyed by the movie before it started.  My brain hurt from free beer, and the filmmakers’ intro was horribly obnoxious.  I had already seen Paul Dano on Main St. subbing in for a bongo drummer in a street band, big pink hat on his head, and big dumb grin on his face.  I can’t stand that guy.

And I can’t seem to believe he is old enough to be a college teacher either, which is the character he plays in this movie.  I’m boring myself trying to remember the plot, but suffice to say it was pretentious and reeked of literature-hipsters.  (Library hipsters?  Hip-lit?  Is that a term yet?)

A few misogynist and fart jokes later, John C. Reilly makes an appearance as the best part of the film— the Grandfather-Twilight-bearded neighbor who doesn’t speak a word.  It was brilliant.

The rest?  Not so much.  I’d love to love you, Kevin Kline, but the writing just felt stale.  The characters’ eccentricities felt forced and trite.  And I’m just getting really sick of Paul Dano’s face.  Play a different character for once, guy.  Directors: Cast a different conservative loner for once.  I should have left when the opening credits read, “Based on the novel by Jonathan Ames.”  I’m out.

Beetle Queen Conquers Tokyo
Started: 11/27/09 | Turned off: about 44 minutes in

I went through a bug phase like many young boys, despite growing up in the suburbs where the most exotic catch was a moth circling the porch light.  I have vivid memories of seeing my first firefly on a trip to the midwest, and learning to spell entomology in second grade.  So why am I less than compelled with this doc on the Japanese cultural obsession with insects?

While it ultimately boils down to a case of viewer apathy— so many movies are discarded if viewed in the wrong frame of mind— Beetle Queen left me without anything to sink my claws into.  I wanted to be educated and enlightened on Japanese history in relation to bugs, and on the insects themselves.  Instead I was treated to 75% B-roll, 20% philosophy lecture, and 5% footage of creepy crawlies.

It’s refreshing to see a doc that doesn’t resort to talking heads footage, and has a scientific bent to it.  Unfortunately, Beetle Queen just didn’t pique my curiosities enough to keep me watching.  I’m going to be upset if I find out there’s a botfly finale, though.

La Ronde
Started: 9/6/09

Who knew 1900 was such a sexy time to live in?  Very cool opening shot.  …then I fell asleep, because it was late.  To maybe finish one day.

Futureworld
Started: 8/26/09

With a tagline like that, I’m kind of disappointed that I turned it off.

Alien
Started: 7/11/09

Another case of “what more can be said that hasn’t already been said?”

I will say this:  I never really liked Aliens because Alien was so damn good.  The simplicity of the story, tight editing, claustrophobic sets, and special effects (so much better in 1979 than 2009) all put Alien among the best sci-fi horror films out there.  What’s more impressive is that it embodies those traits generally devoid of the genre: subtlety, humanity, and genuine fright.

Pan’s Labyrinth
Started: 7/6/09

I was kind of disappointed with this movie when it came out, though I wasn’t entirely sure why.  Upon second (partial) viewing, it’s become more clear to me: It was marketed as a gothic fantasy set against the backdrop of Franco’s Spain, but it’s really a movie about Franco’s Spain with a secondary fairy tale interspersed throughout.

Chalk it up to American naivete, but I don’t know enough about the Spanish civil war or Franco’s regime to understand the allegory that del Toro is trying to convey.  Instead, I feel a massive gap between the events occurring in el Capitan’s world, and the fantastical adventures of Ofelia.  On first viewing, I read the movie as magical realism, and found a middleground for both worlds to exist—until the final scene, of course, when one single shot essentially negates everything that has happened to Ofelia.

Should the burden be mine to provide the connecting glue between both stories?  Perhaps.  But without it, the movie feels like two incomplete and simple tales.  I probably should try and finish it for the second time, but the movie leaves me feeling just “whelmed.”  For an infinitely more rewarding and accessible “fairy tale for grown ups,” see Tarsem’s The Fall.

Palo Alto, CA
Started: 7/1/09 | Finished: ?

I’ve got to be honest: I’ve hated the idea of this movie since before it came out.  People all over the Peninsula were ready to pee their pants at the thought of a real, live movie being shot in their town, about their town!  Sure, it was mostly envy on my part: Why do they get all the attention when they’re just making a typical student film about students?  I’m doing much more interesting things!

So when this showed up as an option to watch instantly on Netflix, I had to at least give it a shot.  And it’s pretty much what I expected: predictable, trite, boring, cheesy, and an all-around unoriginal story.  Shallow characters, but surprisingly decent acting despite a lame script that is laced with awkward ideas of masculinity, and plenty of misogyny.  It’s like a poor man’s Can’t Hardly Wait mixed with a poor man’s American Pie sequel and a dash of a poor man’s Boy Meets World episode, with extra white people and their upper-middle-class problems.

As I write this, I’m only an hour in.  And the only reason I might finish is a strange desire to see shots of my high school and hometown on film.  (Not from Palo Alto, for the record, but close by.)  And Ben Savage still kind of rocks.

Started: 6/2/09  |  Finished: …

I mean, I own this movie for one reason or another.  It’s been banished from my DVD shelves before, only to come back to life.  It’s not an awful film by any means, but the last decade has been so saturated with bullshit comic book movies that the themes and ideas just aren’t as interesting as they might have been in 2000.  Maybe I’ll be Mr. Glass for Halloween.